Yellow, purple, pink, watch the light cascade
Shining brightly down upon Mother Earth
Turning everything to a lighter shade
Lighting the sky before the time of birth
The rising light is displaying fresh ground
New days with open doors seem to invite
Hidden crevices ready to be found
Adventures ready to spring at first light
Rising in east with a passionate burn
The glass is half full and not half empty
Like a sunrise good things always return
With rising sun there’s opportunity
Chance for excitement often arises
Step forward to find pleasing surprises
8 comments:
this is a very hopeful and nice poem.
One thing i noticed is that you use the word light alot. i know thats what the poem is about, but you could use some other words too
some suggestions:
Iluminate, illumination, illuminating
bright, brightness, brightening
radiant, radiating, radiance
maybe slip one or two of them in there to make the vocab more interesting.
nice picture to go along with the poem.
Nice poem overall. Im glad you changed that line with WEStERN in it because it really souded funny. Your new line rymes and brings depth into you poem. The last two lines of your poem is really good. It brings up a good point that is enough to write a paper about. Good JOb!
this is a very good sonnet. i do think that you need to stop saying "light" so much though. To me, it's very obvious that it is repetitive. I know the sonnet is really about light, but maybe you kind find a synonym..hmmmm. All in all, I like the sonnet alot and i think that its pretty much complete.
hey, i just noticed that "mrkgt" said the exact same thing! cool.
Very deep sonnet! It makes you think and my interpretation of it is to seize oppurtunities as soon as they arise. This is one of the reasons your sonnet is good, it allows much room for reader interpretation while it focuses on a general idea. Though I do agree the word light is used a wee bit much, it does give a happy, bright tone to your sonnet. Very good!
Like other people said, I think the word "light" seems repetitive.
The visual that derives from lines like "yellow, purple, pink, watch the light cascade" and "rising in east with a passionate burn" are powerful and easy to imagine.
You pulled off the positive, enthusiastic mood of the topic well.
The last ending lines wrap up the sonnet nicely and sounds even almost like a fortune.
Good job!
Great sonnet. It paints a picture in the reader's mind. I sort of agree with the other comments about the word "light." You could change it unless there is something important about the word, then you might want to explain it in your paper.
Yay, I can add a comment now! It's not bad at all Malina, I dunno what you were talking about. The big idea is super clear and super well elaborated on, yet not too much. The descriptions are good. I totally should've done sunset. Nice job.
...except "empty" and "opportunity" don't rhyme. I think you should tweak the "glass is half full" line. I dunno though, I can't really think of anyway to tweak it. Never mind.
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